Yaawwwnnn. Oh sorry, didn’t see you readers there. I was waking up from a three hour nap from re-watching Watchmen. What a snooze fest! If you’re here from a tag link fora review of the movie let me give you a few tips before going in. Veidt killed the comedian to fake an alien invasion to have everyone stop global hostilities. Veidt killed the comedian to fake an alien invasion to have everyone stop global hostilities. Veidt killed the comedian to fake an alien invasion to have everyone stop global hostilities. Veidt killed the comedian to fake an alien invasion to have everyone stop global hostilities. Veidt killed the comedian to fake an alien invasion to have everyone stop global hostilities. Veidt killed the comedian to fake an alien invasion to have everyone stop global hostilities.

If you’re mad, I also have another spoiler: Batman’s parents are dead and he’ll catch the joker. This issue is my first major beef with the movie. I heard so many people getting upset when comic book nerds talked about the movie and the changes to the ending revealing the ending to these noobs. Seriously? If you haven’t heard of the Watchmen after some 20 odd years of being one of the most celebrated graphic novels then it won’t matter that you heard that because you’ll find this movie unapproachable and boring. The only reason I got through it once was because I was doing what all the fanboys were and looking for all the background subtle references and in-jokes. Even that got old because they were all so obvious.

The next major issue is that Zack Snyder missed the point of the Watchmen. When people talk about the novel they don’t immediately say that it’s the plot that drew them in so deeply. The Watchmen was more than the sum of it’s parts and that asshole doesn’t even appreciate it’s parts. I’ll try to lay them out so Hollywood Snyder can leave that dick in his ear but read them.

  1. Watchmen was an effort to deconstruct the superhero concept. Moore intentionally created original characters that had enough similarities to archetypes that the reader could recognize them as generic. By doing this he showed that the reader already had a familiarity to what a hero was so through the course of the novel he could play with those definitions and expectations. Practically this was just because Moore originally wanted to use some Charlton Comics characters DC had just acquired. Moore had a good track record for doing this before with the Miracleman series. There’s a great quote by Moore about wanting to create, “a superhero Moby Dick, something that had that sort of weight, that sort of density”. There’s more to this than just sticking to the plot, when you make this into a movie you’re supposed to do the same thing with your actors and the image you present. There’s no depth in the film because they didn’t go past what Moore had already done.
  2. Dave Gibbons was the artist for Watchmen and added the most creative aspect to the series. The panel structure is a nine panel grid layout that mirrors itself in the center of the novel. This nine panel grid was in contrast to panels of various sizes. You could transcend the comic much easier and feel immersed in the story when the panel layout doesn’t change, you don’t have to consciously stop reading and think of which panel comes next you just move from panel to panel. Thus you get a great amount of control over how your story is read. If this sounds like a minor point, eat a dick and read a graphic novel. You’re missing out. On the novels, not the dicks. If you want to see this concept in action go read #5 Fearful Symmetry. Snyder thus had the task of bringing the ideal of structuralist cinema into play. He had to really stretch the boundary of what cinema is and bring something creative. Instead he just regurgitated old cliches of slow motion and music over anything to add depth to a scene.
  3. Where the fuck is the Black Freighter? This is actually the most ironic issues in the movie. The Black Freighter was another way to really play with the meta-fiction aspect of Watchmen as it was a comic book in the graphic novel. It served to show how people react to having real superheros by finding escapist fiction filled with what would typically be villains. Also TBF has so many allusions to the main plot and is just a psychologically rich comic. The real irony is that Moore went with a pirate theme for the comic that would eventually become TBF because of his admiration for Bertolt Brecht. Brecht’s most popular work is The ThreePenny Opera which features a song called Pirate Jenny which is where the whole pirate theme came from. Brecht was a proponent of Epic Theatre a notion that a work should force you into a point of critical self reflection and be aware of the actions on stage (in this case screen) and make active decisions about the material presented. This sounds like some high level theory but it’s simple. Brecht thought any work should have a political point, or at least make you think and make decisions. Maybe Snyder left it out as a way of saying he wasn’t going to attempt to do anything in the style of Brecht and instead was going to follow the Michael Bay route of trying to just make zombie morons that tear through popcorn and go home after dropping cash on the movie. 

There’s a lot more I can say but I’ll open it up at this point. Comment you assholes that liked the movie, people who agree/disagree, or anyone who has something to add.

Still better than 300 though.


3 Responses to “Watchmen.”

  1. The comic book has a very different ending, including some seriously trippy tentacles:


  2. tikimexican Says:

    Dear fullbodytransplant, IF you would have bothered to read my post you’d realize I have already read the comic and that anybody else chiming in most likely has too. This is hopefully going to be a higher level discussion than, “the end is different bro!”. You Fail fail fail mcLose.

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