August 2009 Movie Roundup.

I’ve neglected posting a while so I thought I’d jump back into it. Although I don’t have anything that interesting to report so I thought I’d reach into the generic blogger bag of tricks. After shoving my arm in and picking a topic I thought movie reviews. It’s easy, non-committal, and may be near readable. Either way, here’s some shit I’ve seen recently.

Angels & Demons

I got to sip on a margarita and get a pretty private viewing of this movie. Which was good because I’m sure if I would have seen this in theatres I’d teach more than a few people how to say fuck while saying fuck. I’m all for science fiction or historical thrillers but this movie tries for both and pisses on its feet. I’m sure that Dan Brown spent a few hours researching little historical tidbits to shove into his books but they tend to fall flat. It might be interesting to a few people but I would stay away. The fun facts for science, religion, and history buffs aren’t obscure enough to be cool. If the most you know about any of those subjects comes close to nothing, you may enjoy it.


Checked this one out early and I’m glad. The critics really tore this movie a new asshole but I think it’s worth watching. Sascha Boren Cohen finishing out his trilogy of character movies with Bruno. The jokes were written in your own head as soon as you imagined a gay fashionista visiting the US from Austria. Each of those characteristics brings up a stereotype to be juxtaposed with some stereotype from the US and hilarity ensues. Bruno meets a homophobe, a model, a xenophobe, or just an average person and the laughs roll naturally. I appreciated that there was more of a plot to the movie than Borat so it felt less like an extended episode, which I preferred.

Drag Me To Hell

I love me some horror movies and I’ve seen loads. This movie invokes the spirit of Sam Raimi’s classic Evil Dead movies. Don’t go into this thinking you’re going to be scared, really no movie can actually scare you, but be ready to be entertained. It’s a darker tone of comedy but it’s rewardingly original. It’s got the playfully racist trope of a gypsy woman’s curse and the quest to break it. How can you lose?


Yes, yes, and yes. I normally don’t like heart warming family comedies but I liked this movie. I didn’t pay to see it, I stepped out during the middle, and was pretty drunk. The parts I did see though where a weird pastiche of Michael Bay Explosions and classic Disney talking animal jokes. There’s the fat one, the renegade pretty one, the leader who has to prove himself, and some other one. It’s a mindless journey that forces you to laugh when you see a clear plastic hamster ball somehow cause an SUV to explode while the driver flails his arms and lets out a long, “Whooooaaaaaaaa”. If you have to take your girlfriend’s kids to a movie this summer, make it this one.


Porky’s sucks but is good for a cheap laugh. Hangover goes the same route of humor through debauchery but they go farther. By going farther it comes off a lot more sincere. Easy trope to follow, bachelor party goes so far that they lose something and then have to recover it. Solid performance from Ed Helms and Zach Galifinakis definitely kept me in my seat. Specifically though as it goes on it just goes fucking bananas. Highly recommend watching it with friends, this one will be on my DVD shelf.

Hannah Montana The Movie

I sat through it all. Fuck Miley Cyrus. Although I’m still cool with Hannah. Wait, what’s that? No way really? Damn, well I guess fuck Hannah too.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Actors are growing up and getting better overall. The movie seems to be getting more money dumped in it too. It was pretty fun watching this. Although it was awkward to have an action packed movie filled with wizards. I do wish there were more physical fights though. I wanted to see Snape and Dummeldore come down to an all out knife fight. With ghost knives or something to make it wizardly.

Land of the Lost

Will Ferrel shows you how to enjoy aging. By losing his career, sense of humor, and ability to entertain. The guy should just say fuck it and make metamucil jokes. Fuck Will Ferrel.


Damn. Suspenseful horror movies were all the rage back when we had the Japanese invasion of good horror flicks. Remember when everything was either The Ring or followed the same aesthetic? You could actually lose a bit of sleep after watching some of those flicks. This movie comes off the same way for me. The look and feel of it builds up a good uneasiness and really lets the movie flow easily. Definitely will keep you entertained the whole movie. If you watch this and disagree call the hotline at 1-800-YOUREDUMBTHISMOVIEWASAWESOME.

Public Enemies

John Dillinger got shot down on my birthday. A friend told me that so I bought a book on his life. This movie wasn’t all that bad, but Dillinger had a pretty crazy life story and a good amount of myth around him. I think it could have been better, but I’m not trying to be a snob movie critic. I liked it, I recommend watching it, but I hope to see someone pick up the Dillinger story again.

Star Trek

It was cool.

Taking of Pelhal 1 2 3

Denzel Washington being a normal guy getting shot at is fun to watch. This movie is pretty boring though. It needed way more gunshots and less trying to make me empathize with Denzel’s character. The only time I really rooted for the guy was when he was actually getting shot at. Pretty meh, watch it if you don’t mind being disappointed but you’re not missing out.

Terminator Salvation

Fuck anyone who doesn’t realize each Terminator had at least one major original step forward. Fuck thinking a one on one fight in a factory hasn’t been done thousands of times. Also fuck this movie for not showing me everything I wanted to see. It had the budget but didn’t show me any large scale battles. They showed me a lot of landscape but I wanted it filled with platoons of metal dudes fighting rag tag rebels.


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